You Can't Get There From Here

I swung by a few places on the other side of town this afternoon. We had a lot of rain here on Monday and I wanted to see how the west side was doing.

I wonder what my nephews would have done if their Tot Lot had flooded

Andy would have been all, "Well then we go swimming."

Nothing says soccer like ducks and a kayak.

I think the game can only be improved by aquatic birds and outdoor nerds

Maybe I shouldn't have given away my raft

Auto repair shops looked crowded, probably from all the stranded and towed cars, and there were carpet cleaning vans driving from place to place. A road that has been a pain in my arse all summer was flooded.

Gammon turns into Park St. and a giant pain in everyone's arse

Will an inner tube get me to my hairdresser on Gammon Rd. any faster?

Can't say what the shovel and pickax were for but there's a lake in their backyard now

Three of my favorite day trip routes are still closed and since one leads to the best bratwurst on the planet and the other to the best shoe store, I'm a little panicked. Don't follow this link if you love shoes.

Metal doesn't rust, does it?

How will I survive without bratwurst and shoes?

Some joke in poor taste about a water park

The Shoe Box flooded and this article from WKOW talks about the owner not being able to cross the street because of the current.

I knew I wasn't on my side of town because this kid didn't pull out a gun. He said he was feeding a worm to a green heron

He was right, there was a green heron on the soccer field

The current! Steve (everyone knows Steve, he's given me great deals and free license plate frames) couldn't get to the store because of the street's current.

A preview of our family picnic in Middleton this weekend?

Holy shite my dad stayed in skilled nursing across the street from there and now a bridge is gone and they're talking about collapsing roads and hundreds of shoes floating around in waist deep water. Why do I find that image so disturbing?

Sunflowers On A Rainy Day Was Going To Be The Title

It wasn't raining when I went to Eugster's Farm for Sunflower Days at the end of July, but it's raining now so here are some flowers that look as if they need water.

When I started this post yesterday I had no idea what an understatement, "but it's raining now" would be.

I'd been driving around in it all day and got so drenched that I packed it in and went swimming. Even the lifeguard knew I was more than shower wet and said, "Still raining, huh?"

I'm not sure if that was lame or perceptive.

One of my Irish cousins, however, was hell-bent on going to happy hour. You know how sometimes you're texting and it seems as if no one is reading it?


            COME HELL OR HIGH WATER
        A TEXT MESSAGE PLAY

                                                          Scene 1

SETTING:                We are in a small SUV on the main floor
                        of a parking garage overlooking a large
                        sports medicine facility and small football
                        field. It is raining hard and COUSIN 1 is
                        soaking wet from the rain and a swim.
                        COUSIN 2 is on the opposite side of town
                        babysitting in a suburban home.
                        The time is 5:01 pm.

                        COUSIN 1

Holy crap, it's coming down.

                        COUSIN 2

          (no response)

                        COUSIN 1

Been out in this all afternoon and it's supposed to keep up all night so am going home right now.

                        COUSIN 2

          (no response)

                        COUSIN 1

Let me know if you want to reschedule on a nicer day.

          

          (The time is 5:48 pm and the west side of town is a disaster. )

                          

                        COUSIN 2

Holy shit there is flooding everywhere. It's even flooding on the roads going uphill.  This is crazy.

          (Cousin 2 is forced to pull her mid-sized sedan into a gas station. )

                        COUSIN 2

Go ahead without me or should we reschedule?

                        COUSIN 1

I think ur nuts for thinking you could go at all.

                        COUSIN 2

I've never experienced this in my entire life.

                       (BLACKOUT)

          

                       (END OF SCENE)

The conversation continued like this for an hour with me texting route closings which seemed to go unread and then something about gummy bears and a "Grandma Bag." Three hours later I get a text saying they were still at the bar.

I can only guess "we" meant another lunatic cousin was there with her. There are so many flooded streets in this city right now I'd need a print out of road closures to leave the east side. I'm avoiding the west side like a lab avoids down time.

Taught him a trick called, "Drink Water" because he refused to stop playing long enough to drink water

Someone died in the flooding last night, it was pretty horrific and hard to believe it happened in such familiar territory. A significant chunk of the city had turned into an Irwin Allen film.

My cousin's parents and mine lived in this neighborhood for years. The last rainfall total put the city at more than 11 inches with parts of the county getting 13 inches in 24 hours. It doesn't seem right to say we got a foot of rain.

This is the same area a tornado blew through while my mother still lived there.

Being a paranoid worry wort who expects a tornado, car accident or shooting at any given time has its advantages and kept me close to home yesterday. So I'll be adding, "rain" to my list of growing neuroses.
If you click on this link, the bottom video on the right is where my cousin was. 

Midway Through August

I found the midway at Angell Park open, deserted and ripe for another romp with my favorite PNS filter, Impressive Art. It might not be a serious camera, but it's the camera I had.

You try keeping your saddle smelling daisy fresh at corn festivals and Taco Tuesdays

Another sign of old age, the first thing I notice are the benches

Wait, wait, so I said, "What's wrong with standing over inflatable poop emojis all day, you got no nose!"

Cue the killer clowns

Glasses

FADE IN:

EXT. HWY V NEAR THE INTERSTATE — DAY
JEANNA and EVELYN are riding through the countryside in a small SUV

JEANNA

              I've never gotten a picture of that elephant.

EVELYN

              What elephant?

JEANNA

(taking hand off 

wheel to point)

              That one.

EVELYN

              You mean the pink one?

JEANNA

              Yes, the huge, gigantic pink one.

EVELYN

              Well, look at that.

JEANNA

              I never knew it had glasses.

EVELYN

              Who has glasses?

FADE OUT.

Enough Is Enough

No, it isn't. Here's what I can't get enough of.

CORN

Greg's farm stand on Monona and Buckeye

STRAWBERRY PIE

I can't get enough of the Norske Nook's Fresh Fruit Strawberry Pie

LEMONADE

I found the perfect glass of lemonade at the Eagle's Inn, Sauk Prairie

FURRY MOTORCYCLE HELMETS

I was relieved that he could see through his mouth

WISCONSIN FISH FRIES

At Fitz's, their hand battered haddock is currently at the top of my list.  I think lemon wedges and fresh, colorful slaw would bring this pretty blue plate of light, crispy, thick, flaky, crunchy, buttery food to life (not literally but wouldn't that be cool)

ICE CREAM

Milkshakes at Kennedy's in New Glarus. I go for their sundaes and grilled cheese

You wouldn't believe the mug of heaven on the other side of the menu at Fitz's On The Lake, but I thought this was funnier

Butterflies and Fast Film

Film, for all the Generation Zs out there, is how we used to take photos. Schools and community centers had darkrooms to develop film rolled on metal spools or plastic strips. Darkrooms were a way for girls who were told to sit on the dumb side of the room and be quiet during math class to at least do science. Whereas dark rooms were something altogether different and best left in the sixties with Sister Gertrude and her ring of many keys.

"Make sure you see the displays of crucified Lepidoptera first." Flap flap

I had unexpected time on my hands yesterday so caught some Blooming Butterflies at Olbrich Gardens. I hadn't ever shot at such a high ISO on my good camera but flash photography was discouraged. I also think live, fluttering butterflies were discouraged, or at very least depressed.

A Pretty Graveyard would make a great name for a band

I was reminded to "look for hitchhikers" when I left.
"I don't think there were enough butterflies for that."
"They don't come out when it's cloudy."

Here are two of the maybe six butterflies I saw

That's like State Fair cream puffs not coming out when it's humid. I've seen what sweaty people do to sweaty cream puffs and it's appalling, but that's the whole reason I go to the State Fair. Did you know they have soup on a stick now?

Not my car

The clouds I knew about, which is why I chose to go somewhere inside with live plants and creatures, but the deluge I was unaware of even as it was dripping on my head through the garden roof (I thought it was part of the exhibit).

Is that a butterfly? No, just some kind of water drops

On the plus side, a tornado missed us by 30 miles and only achieved an EF-0 rating. On the minus side, there was no warning because it was too weak. Although strong enough to rip a roof off a building.

This butterfly was thinking of making a break for it until it saw the carnage in the lobby

It's Funny If You Love Harry Potter and Hate The Pats

I've been meaning to post something about luck and fate after part of Sun Priaire blew up and not in the trending on YouTube kind of way. I had a crazy week after that and this weekend is a teeter-totter, so I can suck on a lemon or I can make—scratch that, have someone else make and bring me a pitcher of lemonade. Doesn't it look refreshing?

Nothing says, "I'm giving up drinking and I really mean it this time" like a can of cider and a pitcher of lemonade

I'm watching the local news—82-year-old landlady murdered next to a place I almost rented, deli hammered with over 60 bullets, and Sun Prairie has another gas leak. I think it's only a matter of time before some new nightmare parks itself at my doorstep. My nightmares are filled with dead-eyed, bristle-tailed thugs.

Until that happens, here's this stupid video—take that you chittering bastards—and some things I think my nephew Andy (his birthday is tomorrow) would find amusing.
He shares a birthday with former Brewer's catcher B.J. Surhoff, something his older brother mentioned several times on the day of his birth as in, "He can't, it's B.J. Surhoff's birthday!"

"I used to be the youngest until you came along."

Andy used to say, "Come on let's go" so often it was almost a third nickname (the other two being The Terminator and Guido). Through all the sugar highs and demonic energy, we did a fair amount of let's going.

Preparations for the first showing of Hunger Games. Did this obscene haul make us more District 1 than District 12? Notice the chips are "Heart Healthy"

Advanced tickets, who else would go to this with me?

Speaking of too much sugar, Andy's grandma who turned 93 last month told me she wants the sheet music for Carbaret so she can try out for America's Got Talent. Just thought I'd put that out there.

I don't think anyone can beat those performing cats, though, but I do love a dog popping a ball, that would be my act. I remember one day in search of cheap amusement we took bouncing balls to the dog beach. This dog we met popped them both and I almost peed my pants (which back then meant I was having a good larf as opposed to getting up from a chair or coughing).

My dad always got a kick out of Andy and the boys and after he passed away I found this photo in his wallet (I'm pretty sure I heard him say, "Get the hell out of my wallet!" when I did). Notice the old man's caption in his favorite medium, green labeling tape.

Christopher the unwilling cow, a pouting Andy, and Joey, putting up with everyone else's childish behavior

I was looking for a comment Andy made on his Facebook page and found this.

I got your Tombstone Piledriver right here

Here's one of my favorite headlines from The Onion (they sent me the sweetest rejection letter many years back unlike those clod hoppers at Mad Magazine) and that Facebook comment I was looking for:
Patriots Horrified After Superbowl Rings Cause Fingers To Shrivel Up, Turn Black
And Andy's response, "Clearly a horcrux containing a slice of Robert Kraft's soul."

Andy left, with oldest brother, Joey. They seem happier here than at Christmas. Their friend said they should use this as the family Christmas photo, but the cow is missing, so
Photo by Caroline von Schrader

Cheers and Happy Birthday my Terminator boy, "Now dance ya heavenly gobs!"