Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Why Her Neck Is So Big

Sassy Girl aka Farty McBeezer is 13-years-old and you'd never know it to watch her in action. A black and white comedienne, she sneaks softly and carries a big stink. Although her alarming ability to pass gas is her most outstanding quality, her muscular neck comes a close second. No, not really, but it's impressive.
Here she is Channeling Carmen Miranda.

Timely reference I'm sure everyone knows who that is

Is that camera edible, if not find me sustenance, human Creature.

Let me tell you why I should be on your team

Sassy is known for her portability, independence and noxious gases.

Bob competing with the the paper towel behind him for crumbs

Week's Favorite: What is that tantalizing fragrance, my dear? 

Don't humor me, liver lips

Sunday, January 8, 2017

That's How This Cookie Crumbles

Even my mother thought it was warmer today.
It's 10˚.
When life gives you icicles make lemonade slushies?
How about beating up a double batch of Peanut Butter and Jelly thumbprint cookies instead.

It's so cold the raspberry jam warmed up to freezing when heated on the stove

I did make some quickly eaten chocolate chip cookies for Christmas (and then gingerbread cookies to start my apres-holiday cookie marathon).
More on the crowd-pleasing thumbprint classic coming to the Wisconsin Candy Dish.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

How Cold Is It?

It's 1˚ right now and it's so cold my keyboard is preventing me from typing anything funny. With that in mind, here are some How Cold Is It? jokes to go with the icy photo.

This Ice Tooth Tree photo is from December because it's too cold to go out today

How Cold Is It?

It's SO COLD...

(From the Chicago Tribune, January 15, 2009)

•Mayor Daley is burning effigies of himself to keep warm.

•The Cubs will win the World Series this year because hell has frozen over.

•It's so cold gangbangers are text messaging drive-bys.

•Lawyers are putting their hands in their own pockets.


•It's so cold students are wearing footies with their flip flops.

•It's so cold cows are producing milkshakes.

(From ex-Wisconsinite, Mary Ruth, who now lives in CA)

•It was soooo cold this morning I had to turn on the car heater! But on the way home, I had to turn on the AC. (That's just rubbing it in.)

•Many are cold, but few are frozen. (As read in the Milwaukee Journal)


•It's so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.

•It's so cold you have to open the refrigerator to heat the house.

•Your false teeth chatter and they're still in the glass.

•You'd have to jump start a reindeer.

•I went to put my coat on but it didn't want to go.

•It's so cold we need to weatherstrip the Canadian border.

(From my cousin Jackie and DjPROSTYLE)

•It's so cold outside I'm farting snowflakes.

(Mandatory nut joke)

•It's so cold squirrels are sleeping on ice to warm their nuts.

Ba da dum.

More nonsense and fart jokes on my new "Say What Now" page.

Friday, December 30, 2016

Blankets and Archways

Last weekend saw card games, a winter thaw and many thoughts of loved ones. Too sloppy and slippery to spend much time outside.

Bobby Boy on recon mission to the kitchen

Waiting for beef tenderloin status report. Likes his medium rare

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Motley Crew


L to R: Roscoe, his brother Leo, Farty McBeezer aka Sassy Girl, Bobby Boy aka Mr. French, aka Bob Barker, aka Roberto Clementi, aka Big Rat and of course Oliver aka Little Rat.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Candy Christmas Tree

It's time to drag out this old chestnut candy Christmas tree how to I cobbled together in Final Cut Pro.
My talented cousin Jackie, my Godfather Phil2 and Bobby Boy make this one of my favorite videos.

When did 32˚ after sundown become so cold?

Week's Favorite
The tracks were singing like an operatic contralto when I took this photo

This will be our first Christmas without the sweet funny smart goofball drinking the mimosa

I love you more than a dog drinking water, more than green licorice, more than the idea I have for a swim up bar where every bartender looks like Brad Pitt from Thelma and Louise.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Kwanzaa and Festivus.
May the New Year be a better one, the last one set the Festivus pole pretty low.