Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Glasses


FADE IN:

EXT. HWY V NEAR THE INTERSTATE — DAY
JEANNA and EVELYN are riding through the countryside in a small SUV


JEANNA
              I've never gotten a picture of that elephant.


EVELYN
              What elephant?


JEANNA
(taking hand off 
wheel to point)
              That one.


EVELYN
              You mean the pink one?


JEANNA
              Yes, the huge, gigantic pink one.


EVELYN
              Well, look at that.


JEANNA
              I never knew it had glasses.


EVELYN
              Who has glasses?

FADE OUT.



Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Enough Is Enough

No, it isn't. Here's what I can't get enough of.

CORN
Greg's farm stand on Monona and Buckeye

STRAWBERRY PIE
I can't get enough of the Norske Nook's Fresh Fruit Strawberry Pie

LEMONADE
I found the perfect glass of lemonade at the Eagle's Inn, Sauk Prairie

FURRY MOTORCYCLE HELMETS
I was relieved that he could see through his mouth

WISCONSIN FISH FRIES
At Fitz's, their hand battered haddock is currently at the top of my list.  I'd like to see chunks of  lemon and fresh, colorful slaw bring this pretty blue plate of light, crispy, thick, flaky, crunchy, buttery food to life (not literally)

ICE CREAM
Milkshakes at Kennedy's in New Glarus. I go for their sundaes and grilled cheese

You wouldn't believe the mug of heaven on the other side of the menu at Fitz's On The Lake, but I thought this was funnier

Friday, August 10, 2018

Butterflies and Fast Film

Film, for all the Generation Zs out there, is how we used to take photos. Schools and community centers had darkrooms to develop film rolled on metal spools or plastic strips. Darkrooms were a way for girls who were told to sit on the dumb side of the room and be quiet during math class to at least do science. Whereas dark rooms were something altogether different and best left in the sixties with Sister Gertrude and her ring of many keys.

"Make sure you see the displays of crucified Lepidoptera first." Flap flap
I had unexpected time on my hands yesterday so caught some Blooming Butterflies at Olbrich Gardens. I hadn't ever shot at such a high ISO on my good camera but flash photography was discouraged. I also think live, fluttering butterflies were discouraged, or at very least depressed.

A Pretty Graveyard would make a great name for a band
I was reminded to "look for hitchhikers" when I left.
"I don't think there were enough butterflies for that."
"They don't come out when it's cloudy."

Here are two of the maybe six butterflies I saw
That's like State Fair cream puffs not coming out when it's humid. I've seen what sweaty people do to sweaty cream puffs and it's appalling, but that's the whole reason I go to the State Fair. Did you know they have soup on a stick now?

Not my car
The clouds I knew about, which is why I chose to go somewhere inside with live plants and creatures, but the deluge I was unaware of even as it was dripping on my head through the garden roof (I thought it was part of the exhibit).

Is that a butterfly? No, just some kind of water drops
On the plus side, a tornado missed us by 30 miles and only achieved an EF-0 rating. On the minus side, there was no warning because it was too weak. Although strong enough to rip a roof off a building.

This butterfly was thinking of making a break for it until it saw the carnage in the lobby

Friday, August 3, 2018

It's Funny If You Love Harry Potter and Hate The Pats

I've been meaning to post something about luck and fate after part of Sun Priaire blew up and not in the trending on YouTube kind of way. I had a crazy week after that and this weekend is a teeter-totter, so I can suck on a lemon or I can make—scratch that, have someone else make and bring me a pitcher of lemonade. Doesn't it look refreshing?

Nothing says, "I'm giving up drinking and I really mean it this time" like a can of cider and a pitcher of lemonade
I'm watching the local news—82-year-old landlady murdered next to a place I almost rented, deli hammered with over 60 bullets, and Sun Prairie has another gas leak. I think it's only a matter of time before some new nightmare parks itself at my doorstep. My nightmares are filled with dead-eyed, bristle-tailed thugs.


Until that happens, here's this stupid video—take that you chittering bastards—and some things I think my nephew Andy (his birthday is tomorrow) would find amusing.
He shares a birthday with former Brewer's catcher B.J. Surhoff, something his older brother mentioned several times on the day of his birth as in, "He can't, it's B.J. Surhoff's birthday!"

"I used to be the youngest until you came along."
Andy used to say, "Come on let's go" so often it was almost a third nickname (the other two being The Terminator and Guido). Through all the sugar highs and demonic energy, we did a fair amount of let's going.

Preparations for the first showing of Hunger Games. Did this obscene haul make us more District 1 than District 12? Notice the chips are "Heart Healthy"
Advanced tickets, who else would go to this with me?
Speaking of too much sugar, Andy's grandma who turned 93 last month told me she wants the sheet music for Carbaret so she can try out for America's Got Talent. Just thought I'd put that out there.


I don't think anyone can beat those performing cats, though, but I do love a dog popping a ball, that would be my act. I remember one day in search of cheap amusement we took bouncing balls to the dog beach. This dog we met popped them both and I almost peed my pants (which back then meant I was having a good larf as opposed to getting up from a chair or coughing).


My dad always got a kick out of Andy and the boys and after he passed away I found this photo in his wallet (I'm pretty sure I heard him say, "Get the hell out of my wallet!" when I did). Notice the old man's caption in his favorite medium, green labeling tape.

Christopher the unwilling cow, a pouting Andy, and Joey, putting up with everyone else's childish behavior
I was looking for a comment Andy made on his Facebook page and found this.


I got your Tombstone Piledriver right here
Here's one of my favorite headlines from The Onion (they sent me the sweetest rejection letter many years back unlike those clod hoppers at Mad Magazine) and that Facebook comment I was looking for:
Patriots Horrified After Superbowl Rings Cause Fingers To Shrivel Up, Turn Black
And Andy's response, "Clearly a horcrux containing a slice of Robert Kraft's soul."

Andy left, with oldest brother, Joey. They seem happier here than at Christmas. Their friend said they should use this as the family Christmas photo, but the cow is missing, so
Photo by Caroline von Schrader
Cheers and Happy Birthday my Terminator boy, "Now dance ya heavenly gobs!"


Sunday, July 29, 2018

Impressive Art

Impressive Art is the name of a filter on my tough pns which gives a dark, saturated apocalypse vibe. I'll show you.

Maybe Mary Berry is in that tent, but maybe Paul Hollywood is in there with her. I'll just sit here and look at flowers

The apocalypse look is perfect for the week I've had

Between people running through stop signs and toddlers running into rush hour traffic, I can't believe I made it to Sunday without a sedative

More on that later but for now, sunflowers

Friday, July 27, 2018

Cooling off

It has cooled down some but this biker was hot enough to pour water all over himself. I love how he uses his water bottle for a Magic Mike moment instead of jumping into the lake in front of him.

He should consider himself lucky that his armpits mask the smell of Lake Mendota

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

How Could I Possibly Be Expected To Handle School On A Day Like This

Bucky is thinking, "I was an idiot to go to summer school and why am I wearing a sweater in July?"

Ironically I've never seen a pile of books at the Memorial Union unless they were going to be sold to put off inevitable squalor (and your parents learning the term "academic probation"). Hey, you want some help finishing that pitcher, I'll pay you back when I sell these books

A Memorial Union duck once ate my hamburger

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Frizzy Buoy Would Make A Good Name For A Band

I'm not sure how I keep accumulating so much junk but I do know deadheading it is so tedious that I keep ending up at the lake.

So much better than doing something productive and necessary

My excuse for these lake runs (sounds like a stomach disorder) has been that I dug a raft out of storage and it needs to be tested on water (besides what's leaking from the pipes and ponding in the basement). I couldn't even find the foot pump (like that's going to happen) on the day I took these photos but since I literally can not sink I went out on the lake camera in hand (and sometimes in cleavage) to see what I could find.

Cosmo, quite happy to be a dog

Today I found two electric pumps, two nozzle attachments and alien oars so I meandered off to the lake again with a vague sense of purpose. And it rained the second I got there so I guess I have to go back.

I chased this bloody fish around the lake like a frizzy buoy, can you even see it bottom left

Friday, July 20, 2018

Tough Enough For Devil's Lake

Aren't you glad I didn't spell it Tuff Enuf? I managed not to drown my tough little Lumix this week so, rah. I already annihilated a more expensive Olympus and after vowing not to follow the directions, it lives!

Met some people in and out of the water, lots of kayaks and got some kayaking tips for bad knees

Someone told me a snake crawled up their friend's leg while sitting in a lawn chair in the water which is why I always carry a camera

Friday, July 13, 2018

Can You Believe The All Star Break is Next Week?

This is a typical shot of my cousin Susie with her back to the camera dancing with a friend who has impeccable taste in baseball teams.
Go Susie, go Blue. Number One on the dance floor and Number One in the NL West.
And heartfelt sympathies for our friends across the pond (on both counts but we love the Trump Baby, can we trade).

Susie comes from a family of rabid Brewers fans (also somehow Number One) so no face shot for you